So on October 30th 2012, in the midst of preparing for a beautiful public Samhain ritual the following evening. I get a call from my Mom, she wants to tell me (first before she emails the family) that she has to give up her trucking license and stop working. She's started to have some bouts of confusion (encephalopathy)which is one of the definitive symptoms of end stage liver disease. It's also time for her to be reassessed for the liver transplant list. This is the ball we've been waiting to drop for a decade, I need to start thinking again about that big scary question. That evening on the phone with my Mom she asked me if I'd thought anymore about being her living liver donor and I honestly told her " I've been thinking about it for 10 years and I still don't know." This is true, for years I had been unable to access any emotion around the thought of having that surgery for my mom, I could think about it and come up with reasons why it was a good or bad decision, but I knew as long as I couldn't feel anything I couldn't know what to do. Her response was, "I just trust that when the situation gets serious enough, you'll decide to do it." Oh! Was I ever mad at her for that! I felt like she was laying a big guilt trip on me! I felt like she was saying I didn't really have a choice - to be a good daughter that's what I would have to do. I felt furious and I stewed about it for days. Finally I decided to do a tarot reading and ask the cards what I should do.